Ambien - December 26th

9:32 pm.
I just took the ambien. Listening to The Beatles "Because". So far so good. Nothing exciting. There is a nice glow here. Might turn the night light off....
Better. it's darker and the likelihood that I freak myself out is high.
To do tonight:
Talk to her. Find out about AJ's safety in his apartment
Find out what is following me and how to get rid of it.
Learn what I can about Andrew and James and their purpose in my life.
My feelings of confliction are getting stronger and stronger.
Maybe it's best if I don't speak to Andrew. But somehow I'm drawn to him, even though I can so blatently see how our relationship would work, or rather, how it wouldn't work...
I don't think he and I are compatable.

Fireflies - time to close my eyes and wait. They have been here, hiding, since the last time. I'm sure they'll be here again. Come on... i've seen one. Just one? I know they're here.... why are they not coming out?!
Matybe aj isn't here with me... maybe things with he and I are meant to be done.
I'm not sure if I hope not....
Come one, if AJ and I are meant to be, I need a sign. I need fireflies.
The song just froze.
I had to refresh, but if that wasn't a sign I don't know what was....

Fireflies (round 2) - no fireflies.
The song is almost over, and still nothing.
nothing.
nothing.


I will Posess your heart - I'm cold. unrelated to the song, but still true. I love this song. And I'm talking to Andrew. What is wrong with me?!
Still no fireflies.
I asked AJ for them.
I told him I needed confirmation of our relationship. So far... nothing.
This song was supposed to be from AJ to me, but it's making me think it's from me to Andsrew right now. What. THE. Fuck.
Something is wrong with me. I feel like a love struck puppy.
Nothin is going the way it's meant to. Come on....
Firelies.
I NEED fireflies.
Fireflies are healthy, stable, expected. I can rely on them.
But they're not here. Andrew is, but andrew doesn't want me.
Come on fireflies.
Help.

Andrtew said hedoesn't mind listening to me babble about useless shit, but "it's the being seen as a way out that bothers me"
I hope that's not what I'm doing.
I thought I saw a firefly. It was a flicker from the smoke alarm.


Point of view point - chills. from the music this time, not the stupid window.

AJ is going to be sending me some.
Why weren't they there.