Poetry

Aj has been writing me poems again. Here they are:

"I wish I could rub your back
and run my fingers through your hair.
I wish I could hold you close and kiss the back of your neck.
I wish I could cover you in fireflies
and then kiss the tears from your perfect blue eyes
and tell you that everything is going to be great.
My fingers remember exactly how every part of your body feels
from your nose to your neck
to your chest to your thighs
and all the way to your toes.
I'd give anything to run my hands down your warm body.
Sleep tight baby.
I'm always with you."

AJ - October 27, 2010

"I awoke from a soft dream.
Dreaming of shooting stars.
And I realize that I love you more
ever day even though you are so far away.
I miss hearing you breath next to me.
Even when you're not in my arms,
just feeling your body move next to me in bed.
I miss your conversations out loud with your dreams.
I miss the small moan you let out when I roll over and take you in my arms.
I miss the way your skin feels on my lips.
I miss how soft your hair felt in my hands.
I miss your warmth.
I miss waking up next to you.
It gave me a smile as soon as I opened my eyes.
I hope now to fall back into another dream
where I can see your beautiful blue eyes
blink ever so slowly above your smile.
I love you."

AJ - October 31, 2010

"Sleep tight my dear love,
The sun has set course for the horizon.
Sleep well, Sweet dreams did come.
Fireflies and fields of golden flowers.
Therein we lie together,
Forever it would seem.
To deny our fate would be
to deny Boomer his ball.
Who would we be to keep us seperated
when true joy and contentment
is found in our connection.
To be apart would be to elave the Boomer
staring at his ball,
wishing it to be thrown for him.
A ball and a boomer,
true happiness,
much the same as an AJ and a Cait.
My Cait.
My one and only true love.
The source of my power, my pleasure my pain
The pain you give me by not being in my arms
or not at the opposing side of my kiss.
This is the only pain you can cause me now.
And baby, it's killing me to be denied your touch,
your skin, your eyes and your smile
My ears crave your "Goodnight I love you"s
and your "that was awesome"s
My eyes need to see
the beauty that you are.
From head to toe and
all the wonderful parts inbetween.
My senses need to be filled with your smell,
your voice,
your eyes and your sweat.
I miss my meditation partner.
I miss the silence,
starring at the stars,
wondering what they mean
or what they'll do.
I miss being in bed with you.
Talk, watch movies,
cuddle, make love,
or just be.
Be there.
Together.
Wake well to a smile and maybe a tear.
Because I love you more everyday.
You; the boomer, will soon be getting me; the ball
(pushing the analogy a bit there,
but you get the point)
I love you.
I will be true to you.
I will fight for you.
I will forgive you.
I will take care of you.
I will fuck the shit out of you as soon as I get a chance.
Cait,
you are everything I want
I love you so much.
So good morning now it is.
Wipe your happy tears on the sleeve of your hoodie.
Call me.
First thing you should say is
"I love you"
and a few sniffle tears might be nice =)
"I love you" isn't strong enough.
I atomic love you....maybe...
I took out something that I left earlier
and burned it
and took the ashes.
I left behind a "signature"
that acts like a monocle.
It's a very interesting piece.
Then I asked if I could fall asleep
inside your heart tonight
because I know you've been falling asleep
in mine recently.
I love you.
I ATOMIC love you. "

AJ - November 19 2010

"More than I year.
Almost two now I think:
I've known about you.
A little more than I year.
I've known you.
Hours go by every day
and I still feel like I'm getting to know you even better.
After a year, most people run out of gas,
but I think we're just getting started.
So rise and shine, again today calls to you.
Light the first cigarette
and remember the ones we've lit together.
Look at yourself in the mirror
and you'll see the most beautiful girl in the world.
Start your car and remember how many times
that's started an adventure.
Yell at your phone for being dumb and remember that
despite all that,
I'd still wait and call your name for minutes
after it went all Derp on us.
Touch your tattoos and imagine how badly
I want to touch them with my own fingers.
Wear your shoes and imagine my smile.
Drink in the morning light and a sky full of fireflies.
Look at the ocean and know that I long to look at it with you.
Raise a glass to friends
and awesome when glass raising happens.
Tell your sister
to hit that bong like a fucking sultan.
Because anything worth doing is worth doing right.
And I want to do everything right for us.... for me.
Tell me first thing when you call "what did you dream last night"
I'll say "No, what did YOU dream."
I hope you dreamt of me.
Because I intend to dream of you.
To you, my baby,
all the atomic love is yours.
Always remember that our love is special
I need you.
You are the other part.
We'll save the world.
You can want me, that's fine.
But I need you.
I starfish prime love you."

AJ - November 20, 2010

"Good morning again, my baby.
Had a great day yesterday.
Today will be much the same.
Watch even during this season of decay,
together we grow more everday day.
Breathe in cold air,
let it remind you that you're alive.
Whisper to the sun
"After the solstice, you will realize....
that you make me have a new day to tell him
I love him"
I do the same for you, baby.
Better believe it."

AJ - November 21, 2010

"Good morning my lovely girl.
Good morning, as cold as it may be.
you know you are still free.
A free soul and a free spirit.
Your dreams from tonight,
I can't wait to hear it.
Asleep you are now,
in a hoodie and quite satisfied.
I can't wait to be by your side.
Today, another step towards the sea.
And another step towards happiness be.
I love you, good morning."

AJ - November 21, 2010

"Good morning my fifth element.
My heart, I can't keep control of it.
I miss you more every hour.
You are my pleasure, pain and power.
I felt like I was inching closer,
too slow of rate.
Now I feel like I'm running,
sprinting at full gate.
Thank your love and help.
I hope you keep some of your love for yourself.
You're amazing and should bear that in mind.
Think of everythin nice I've ever sai
and in there you will find:
that you have to be wonderful to see so much love.
Good morning, baby.
Consider this your good morning hug. 2"

AJ - November 23, 2010

"Good morning, baby, love, my one and only.
I'll be there soon,
don't feel lonely.
As the street lights begin to flash red,
I know you're safe and sound in your bed.
Waking up now with thoughts of turkey in your head.
Down this path we've both been lead.
2"

AJ - November 24,2010

"Good morning my love.
Good morning indeed.
Hope you're well rested.
If I could quantify all the things you've taught or shown me,
I'd have a very large number.
I can remember.
Some of the lot.
What have we got....
Friends (show and real people),
math,
musicals,
john green,
good music...
Just to name a few off the top of my head.
This isn't very poetic,
but what I'm trying to say is that,
this last year has been great
because you've been there.
And without you right now,
I wouldn't have anywhere to go.
I can't wait to get to Seattle,
and start my new adventure.
I love you"

AJ - November 25, 2010


And now the poem I wrote him last night.
November 25th.

"I miss you love,
and I miss your kisses.
I miss your hugs,
I wanna be your Mrs.
Your arms always around me tight,
comforting me every single night.
I drifted into dreams where all I saw was you
when I dream of without you
I wonder what would I do?
but I always wake up and you're right there beside me
mentally, physically, nothing can harm me.
I know that I'm stealing your signature move
but when I start I just get in the groove
and my heart starts beatin'
what a crazy feat, an'
I just start writing and I can't stop
my heart skips a beat,
my inhibitions drop
and I let myself fall,
fall deep into love
where my mind lies away like an innocent dove
and I think of Jess and james,
Mom dad and ben
I hope you never give me reason
to imagine life without you again."

Cait - November 25, 2010


I love my life.

- recording school
- feet hurt
- weather
- don't wear shoes he bought me
- spent quality time together
- I'm a bitch
- I'm a slut
- I make him feel guilty
- my family doesn't like him


"There isn't anything that you can give me..."
"I'd rather you go fuck around and get it out of your system than sit around moping about me"


that was my talk today.... oh FML.

*sigh*

Not sure what my last post was even about.
but all I have to say is this......


fuck my sister. She never has words of encouragement. amazing.