I've gotten my fourth today.
The first was a clover on my foot. Three petals. My sister and mom got the same thing in the same place. Something that will always remind me how connected I am to them and how much they have influenced me. I really don't know where I would be without their love and support.
Number two was the symbol from The Fifth Element on my wrist.
AJ got the same one. This is my symbol for perfection. Showing that nothing in the world is completely perfect. But in AJ's eyes, I am. And in my eyes, he is. It connects us. (Besides the fact that it's a bad ass movie and even if AJ and I break up I can say 'Shit yeah, Fifth Element is awesome')
I'm not sure why it's so beautiful to me but it definitely means a lot.
The next one was an omega sign on my chest. That one means so much to me. That shows me that I'm a changed person and the alphabet, the fundamental part of who I was while I was with Dan, has come to an end. I'm no longer that weak, dependent person who is too afraid to stand up for herself. Who is too meek to make herself heard. It's the end of a period for me, and the beginning to a new person. A stronger person. A person who finally can see herself as beautiful.
Finally, today, I got my calla lilies. Something I've wanted since I was 15. I never met my grandpa Ed, on my mom's side. He died in January before I was born. My whole family tells me I may be his reincarnation. We have an overwhelming amount of similarities for two people who have never met. I wish dearly I had known him.
But I did know my grandpa Si, on my dad's side. He and I were really close. He always used to say to me, "When you were little and I was big, we went down to a country jig, we had more fun than all the kids in town, because you were a little clown" just a silly little rhyme that he would recite, while picking up my arms and swinging me around, or tossing me into the pool, or teaching me how to golf just like him. When he passed away, I was devistated. He hadn't been sick for very long. A few months at most. He was suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer. At first they gave him a while. Told us he could probably pull through and live a while longer. Then things went wrong. I got a call from my dad saying that Grandpa was in critical condition. They didn't know if he'd make it through the week. He had bought a flight for the next day. About an hour later he called again. "Grandpa might not make it through the night, I have a red-eye flight to Florida. I'll keep you posted." The next time that I heard my dad, he was choking through tears. My grandpa Si had passed away just minutes after he was planning on flying out. I didn't get to say goodbye.
They had the funeral later that week. My rich father, and richer grandma refused to pay for me to fly out. Then, in June, 3 months later, they had a memorial. It would have been my grandparents 50 year anniversary. I couldn't afford to fly out then either. Since then, I haven't been to Florida. I never said goodbye to my grandpa, or the beloved house that was my get away. My grandma sold is shortly after. For that reason, I have put my goodbye, my 'I love you' and my 'Hello to a new beginning. I miss you' on my side. Forever remembering what he meant to me. I love you Grandpa. See you later....
